Real Talk: It's My Party and I Will Cry if I Want To
I am sitting here, exhausted, sweaty (the sticky, dried-on-you kind) eating a bowl of ice cream for my birthday treat and thinking back on today. My plans for the day were to sleep in, head to the studio and rearrange with my new studio roommate and come home and BBQ dinner with the family and make myself some home made strawberry shortcake. Instead, I woke to a call from Good Morning, America that would change my day to cleaning instead. As I sat in bed, in shock, I had myself a great big sobfest. Yup. I cried, bitter, angry, overwhelmed tears.
As I look back on the past 15 years of adulthood and reflect on what I have accomplished, an ikea hack bed is pretty low on the list. I have been married for 15 years. 15 YEARS, PEOPLE. That is all of adulthood spent learning to compromise, work for and work with another, giving your heart and tears and fears, and standing by them thru sickness and more sickness. I have literally grown humans. They were a seed, a tiny little egg, and now they are HUMANS. I labored my arse off to bring them into the world. I have laid awake at night worrying about them, cleaning their vomit and poop, hugged them, wiped their tears, taught them... literally helped shape their entire lives.
I have worked my tail off to learn a craft. To build a profitable business that can support my family when my husband became disabled. I have helped to pioneer modern birth photography and have trained, mentored, and cultivated an amazing community of women all over the world who bring this art to others. I have documented HUNDREDS of babies come into the world. I have cried fat tears of joy. I have cried fat tears of sorrow with a mom who just lost her baby and I have been there to document it. I have written a book. (Don't google it... you will find romance novels and I did NOT write those!) I have put on workshops and conferences. I have designed websites and products and brochures. I have worked long and hard marketing and networking and trying to build a business that could sustain our little (ok, big) family.
I have worked to overcome depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies. I struggle with my own painful illness and push through. I have worked to be a healthy wife and mother. To not protect everyone around me from their own consequences. I have worked to be open and authentic and accepting of not only others, but MOSTLY of myself. I promise I am my worst critic. But I try. I work. I strive for healthy and happy.
So upon reflection I realize that the thing that has made me "famous" is that I took two beds and nailed some 2x4's to it.
So I cried. God has a funny way of humbling us.
At the beginning of the year, my husband was unable to walk. I pushed him in a wheelchair. I broke my elbow on his slippery ramp. I was working full time from home while caring for kids full time and caring for him and I was literally falling apart. At some point I decided to stop worrying about 5 year plans and make RIGHT NOW plans. So I did. I found a cheap pop up camper, loaded up the wheel chair and 5 freaking kids and drove to the middle of nowhere to see amazing things. Because I only have right now.
So while it may only last a moment and it is totally possible I will cry a lot more, I am taking what is coming RIGHT NOW. My kids will have an amazing experience that is likely once in a lifetime. So we will open our doors to a film crew and you will see the wild kids we have and that I literally am here because of some 2x4's. But I will take it.
After all, as the kids say, "I don't understand what is so special about a bed?!" Followed by, "Wow, your tummy is so bouncy mom! If I jump on it, I can practically fly!" Keeping it real, people. Fame doesn't touch us here.